No one really knows why they keep getting invited, but sure enough, they never miss a single party. Your brother came out to you when he was 12, but he hasn't told anyone else in the family that he's gay. They require you give them your list in March, they put up their tree in August, and by October, the fake snow machine is blowing full-blast, turning their rambler in Oklahoma into a winter wonderland. Your aunt and uncle take Christmas excitement to a whole new level. Luckily for you, we've identified the problematic relatives, and offer you Thanksgiving cocktail pairings for getting through the day intact. Can you feel your eggs die off as your chance for kids slips farther away? Your folks hate each others guts, but for reasons no one seems to understand, they remain steadfast in staying married to each other.
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Have you gained weight? The last thing you want to do is sit next to your cousin, the LIBERAL, and listen to them blather on about free health care and the environment. Why aren't you married yet? Which is weird, because he sleeps on a couch in his friend's basement. Until you went to a liberal arts school. Your folks hate each others guts, but for reasons no one seems to understand, they remain steadfast in staying married to each other. Your sister graduated magna cum waaaaaaaaay higher than you did.